Who Am I?

I sit and wait day by day
I don't know why I feel this way
my heart is in a deadly fight
and all my hope is out of sight
you say your always here for me
so why don't I feel your peace for me

I sit and wait and wonder why
my heart feels dead or soon to die
I don't know what I'm supposed to do
all I'm told is trust in you
I tried to understand your plan
but now I'm lost to wonder when
you'll show yourself and speak to me
so I can know what I should be.

“What Students Really Need to Hear”

In his article “What Students Really Need to Hear” Chase Mielke wrote furiously to tell the truth to his students about why he cares about them and why he believes that they should not quit or give up in the main event of school.

Mielke tells his students that the main event of being in school is how to deal with life when it gets tough and not on the academic learning. He then goes over for different types of quitting in school: Wasting the day doing nothing, not going to class, being disrespectful to their teachers who ask them to come to class, and not putting enough effort into their studies to pass whatever class they are struggling.

“As long as you are in my life, I am not going to let quitting be easy for you.  I am going to challenge you, confront you, push you, and coach you.  You can whine.  You can throw a tantrum.  You can shout and swear and stomp and cry.  Moreover, the next day, guess what?  I will be here waiting — smiling and patient — to give you a fresh start.  Because you are worth it.” Mielke wrote at the end of his article explaining why he will not be letting his students quit. This quote shows that he actually cares about his students and the progress that they make in not just school, but in life. Many people have positively replied through different types of social media to this article. Most said that they were glad to have read what he wrote about the truth behind why teachers really care about their students.

Remember When

Remember when we all were smaller and always wished we be a little taller remember the days when we would sit and laugh for hours and always thought that we had super powers. We would sit and talk for hours on end about nothing just being with friends just being together.  

I always felt safe always accepted always having a place never being afraid never being alone always felt always loved felt I was home.  

Now life has changed and so have we. The way it was it can never be. Our lives have changed our paths set we might not even know it yet, but even if our lives have changed, I hope and pray we stay the same remembering the times we had and looking back I can be glad you've changed my life, and you've changed me. I cannot wait to see what we will be, and I know you all.  I know you are true, and I hope you know...

That I love you.


(A dear friend of mine sent this to me a couple of months ago after being away from each other for awhile.)

Distinguish

"The noise of footsteps come down the hall,
Bearing the worse news of all.
The man I once knew as funny and bright,
Decided it was time to distinguish his light."

I wrote this two years ago in October when my parents came into my room, not long after I had gotten home from work, and told me that an old friend of mine committed suicide. It was hard to hear, and I just couldn't believe it. I had forgotten something at work that same day and so on the drive back to work I cried. I just didn't understand why, and I guess many people never do if they lost someone like that.

Benefits of Technology in the Classroom

With the transition from books to technology in classrooms, many wonder if it is helping the students with bringing up their grades or if it is necessary to have technology in a class. In today's world and generation technology has become a huge part of everyone's lives, and it will continue to be that way for a long time. The benefits of having technology in the classroom are how it gives the students access to information, helps in protecting the environment, increases the popularity of distance learning and easiness in teaching.
The access to information now a day has given us a new knowledge that we can learn and gain a lot easier than it has been in the past. Numerous years back we could not envision that we can get the chance to know new data without going out of the house. Moms analyzed new formulas from the book that they acquire in the libraries. Fathers purchased daily papers to take the redesigned data from business, economy and of the group of individuals. Understudies all nights spent in the libraries to compose the report, venture or identified with a school paper. Today data is effortlessly gotten to on account of the web. In the meantime, online courses are anything but difficult to get the opportunity to, utilize, and comprehend for the understudies why should not able go to customary instructive structures due to wellbeing or different challenges. It is a helpful approach to study.
"Right now, online and hybrid offerings seem to be as good as standard lectures at transmitting this kind of knowledge, and, in the years ahead, they are bound to get better — more imaginatively curated, more interactive and with better assessments" (Brooks).
              With the technology, it has lessened the numbers of trees that have been cut down for books which helps in protecting the environment. There are a large number of schools in every nation. Also, it is an obliged organization in every remote town. Presently might we be able to envision how billions of paper we use to distribute new books and copybooks. Because of innovation in instruction, we are not to purchase every one of these books. There are now schools that were changed to the utilization planning PCs for their lessons and libraries. It spares cash and time when utilized insightfully. "Edmodo and other Learning Management Systems provide teachers with the tools to create classroom communities.  The paper is saved since students no longer need to print their reports and work to be handed in.  Students can post notes and attach digital documents, turn in assignments digitally or connect their Google Drive account to Edmodo to access cloud storage of documents. Teachers can use Edmodo to reduce the time it takes to gather feedback from students by making use of Polls to get quick responses to questions or Quizzes to get feedback about students understanding of the content they are learning" (Quirk). With websites like Edmodo, it helps save the environment and the resources the earth has provided us. With technology, books are now available, and some teachers will allow quizzes and test be taken online, which saves trees from being cut down that are homes to many animals.
With the technology being spread around the world, it has increased the popularity of distance learning. With the improvement of such innovations like the web, the notoriety with instructional technology is developing consistently. As of late it is a standout amongst the most favored strategies for learning. Conventional lessons have been helped by virtual ones. Online classes incorporate moving starting with one spot then onto the next documents, visit rooms and even leading group of advancement to take after the understudies' prosperity. Another advantage is that understudies can keep up a flexible timetable that is advantageous for them whenever, anyplace learning. It serves to join separation training and work.
    The rift usefulness of computers and the internet have made contrariety learning easier and faster, and virtual today shoal and virtual universities commit full school courses online. The ability to hold or do something of Internet to support voice, video and text teaching methods made earlier separate forms of telephone, video conferencing, radio, television and text-based education somewhat unnecessary. However, many of the ways of doing things developed and lessons learned with earlier media are used in Internet delivery. "In the United States in 2011, it was found that a third of all the students enrolled in postsecondary education had taken an accredited online course in a postsecondary institution" (Lederman).  Even though growth berates deliberate, registration for online courses has been skilled to increment with the advance in technology. The superiority of people and private colleges now undertake full academic prospectus online. Distance education has a long history, but its popularity and use has grown exponentially as more advanced technology has become available.
  It also helps in the schools for the teachers and professors with the easiness in teaching their students. There are special methods for enhancing showing squandering next to no while working or delivering something with innovation in training. On account of the change, they have more than one approach to watching the understudy's advancement. More than that sound and feature presentation, wide-screen TVs, projectors can be utilized for enhancing the conveyance of direction to enhance learning and expanding the comprehension level among the understudies. "Perched behind his 20-inch screen, wearing one of his trademark plaid jackets, Mr. Boyer fields questions pinged in as instant messages. He responds on Ustream, a free Web platform that lets anyone broadcast a video feed through a Webcam" (Parry). The use of technology in a private school classroom augments both learner occupation and need. Students who are often uninterested in science turn more motivated by technology. This need and engagement can be narrated to a particular content area in the classroom or other adroitness gained by incorporating technology. If teachers can see the spirit that technology has in motivating students, they can use it to their promise.
"The goal should be to use technology to take a free-form seminar and turn it into a deliberate workshop (I am borrowing Anders Ericsson's definition of deliberate practice). Seminars could be recorded with video cameras, and exchanges could be reviewed and analyzed to pick apart how a disagreement was handled and how a debate was conducted. Episodes in one seminar could be replayed for another. Students could be assessed, and their seminar skills could be tracked over time. So far, most of the talk about online education has been on technology and lectures, but the significant challenge is technology and seminars. So far, the discussion is mostly about technical knowledge, but the future of the universities is in practical experience" (Brooks).
Teachers must study to harness and use the valuable resources that technologies offer so that their classroom can be fruitful and move promise into the future. Elementary classrooms are good surrounding to start the interest of technology along it is necessary to embolden knowledge of technology at a progressive era. Students are seemly more and more technology literate with each excessively year, and it is authoritative for teachers to concede the divinity technology has over children.Of the same moment, the fate for teachers to keep up with the students. If these two things are accomplished, the heaven is the confine for the advantages of technology that coincident. Technology is manifestation whether teachers and classrooms are fitted or not. Realizing that technology is a benefit is giving students a present if we regard the sway of technology in the classroom understand its fruition.  "Additionally, educators will need to address ways in which instruction is delivered and also support systems to encourage collaboratively rich environments to meet the needs of these learners" (Scott).
Numerous training reformers have a tendency to look to innovation to illuminate a portion of the difficulties that face our government funded schools. From online training to intelligent diversions, the accentuation on investigating contemporary manifestations of an instructional method to raise understudy scores has created various intriguing undertakings and studies. While everybody concurs that there’s no halting the improvement of many instructive and innovative arrangements. Including social networking and that there would be several negatives ought to that happens, schools will be tested to bear that understudies can utilize new online instructive structures and social networking and still keep on developing the professional attitudes they have to succeed in and associate with the world. 
We have come a long way from a time where we only had newspapers, and letters to having the technology to being able to read and watch the news online. Technology has become an important part of our lives just like electricity and cars. To have the technology in the classrooms is like having a tractor instead of a plow in the field. There are many benefits of having technology in the classroom, but the ones that stand out the most are how it gives the students access to information, helps in protecting the environment, increases the popularity of distance learning and easiness in teaching. Some people may not realize it now, but technology has made an advance in this culture and will continue to develop in our school system.

Work Cited

Brooks, David. "The Practical University." New York Times, Late Edition (East Coast) 5 Apr.

2013: A.23. Newsstand.Web. 24 April 2015.

Lederman, Doug. "Growth for Online Learning" 8 Jan. 2013. Web. 21 Apr. 2015.

Parry, Marc. "‘Supersizing' the College Classroom: How One Instructor Teaches 2,670

Students." Chronicle of Higher Education 58.35 (2012): B8-B10. Master FILE Premier.

Web. 24 April 2015.

Quirk, Diane. "An Earth Day Approach to Classroom Technology Use," 22 Apr. 2014.

Web. 21 Apr. 2015.

Scott, Lakia M., and Chance W. Lewis. "Nontraditional College Students: Assumptions,

Perceptions, and Directions for a Meaningful Academic Experience." International

Journal of Interdisciplinary Social Sciences 6.4 (2011): 1–10.OmniFile Full Text Mega.

Web. 24 April 2015.

Transition to College after a Gap Year

Transitioning to college may be hard, especially after not being in school for a year. After taking a gap year adjusting, starting new relationships and trying to find my voice will be a bit harder than going to college right after my senior year of high-school.

Adjusting to college life is hard on the gap year adults because we know we fit in with the sophomore class, but we are treated as the baby sibling that gets picked on that first semester by the older siblings. Getting involved for me is one of the hardest things because I was home-schooled and that does not really help with getting involved. Coming to college has been rather overwhelming with many different clubs and events around and some of them collide on the same night at the same time or at the same time. Living in the dorms was not a big deal to me. My family lives in a small three-bedroom house, and I always had to share a room. I am used to sharing a room, and it was not hard to adjust, but the most difficult was adjusting to sharing an entire hall with twenty different people around the same age as you. I like having more than one bathroom too. Being older than the people in my freshman class is hard to get adjusted to because I am twenty thrown into a group of eighteen-year-olds. It is hard to for the twenty-somethings in the freshman class because the upper classmen treat us like a newbie, even though we are, but we have experience and have matured in that gap year.

It makes us twenty-somethings a little depressed to know that we should have gone to college right after high school like everyone else, but we did not go to college that year because of all the intimidating questions you get from the relatives and family friends about college and where we want to be in ten years. It is strange having classes to go to on a routine basis. I was home-schooled, and I did not really have a set schedule. Coming to college and having to plan out your day around classes, the events that happen on and off campus, and sports was a bit challenging for the first couple of months. With each semester, you have to change the schedule to fit the day, that way you have time to study, hang out with friends, and get to know professors. I was home-schooled so I only had two teachers and that was my mom and dad, so when I came to college, I knew it was going to be different especially after a gap year. It is weird having to get to know professors because I have never really had to get to know teachers before. Now that I am entering my second year of college, I know how to talk to my professors, and I am not afraid to ask them questions about the homework assignments if I am struggling. Getting back into doing homework had been hard because all I did during my gap year was work and go to church. When classes started, I was excited to go, but at the end of the day I was stressed out because of all the homework and it felt like I had forgotten how to manage my time actually to sit down and study that first semester.

Relationships mean a lot to me because I did not have many friends in high-school and the ones that I did have turned their back on me when I needed them the most. The family is also important to me because they have been there for me, through the good and bad, during my four years of high-school life. I never really had the best of friends. I picked a bunch of people who ended hurting me in the end, and some of them turned down the road that wasn't less traveled. My friendships in those four years ruined me and I regret hanging out with them, but the people that I met at my home church were the same way, and that turned me farther from God.

Now that I am in college, I have changed, but that does not mean that it is easier, because last semester I started to hang out with people who had the same personality as the people I knew in high-school. I am just glad my roommate is not one of them. When I first found out who my roommate was, I was a little nervous. She was the first one to make contact. It was easy to talk to her through email and texting, but when we first met it was awkward for me. I felt four years older than her than only a year. I know a few other gap year students who felt the same way after they met their roommates. After living with my roommate for a couple of months, I started to feel like I was still living with my little sisters. I mean we get along just fine, but I am exhausted from being the responsible one. I am just glad God gave me a great roommate and friend. As for classmates, it is nice knowing that they are not my siblings, but it is strange because they are not too. I like meeting new people, but I am horrible at making the first move to start a conversation. Last semester there was only one class out of five where I knew everyone personally, and that was because the professor had us interact with each other. I am really glad that the professor had us interact and get to know one another because I made some magnificent friends in that class. Even my parents have seen a change in me.

When I told my parents that I wanted to go back to school after my gap year their thoughts with me going to college was fine, but I do not really know if my parents were ready. I think if it were up to my parents, they would have kept me at home for a little bit longer, but I could not wait to move out and be on my own. I was feeling cramped, suffocated and I wanted to get a better job and to do that I would have to go to college. I think I was ready to go to halfway through my gap year. The transition of me going to college was the hardest on my dad. He does not mind picking me up from school, but when it comes to dropping me off, he gets depressed, but we keep in touch with letters and technology. I try and call or Skype them at least once a week. What I love is writing letters to them it feels more personal and to me it feels to keep us more connected than just a quick phone call. What has been the hardest on my family is the money and how the price of sending me to college is somewhat tearing my family apart, but I knew they would always support me. "Tightening the irony into a knot was the knowledge that my parents were always behind me...They paid a tuition they could not afford" (Rodriguez, 603) Just like Richard Rodriguez parents wanted the best for him, my parents wanted the best for me.

It is hard to find your voice in high-school especially with being home-schooled, but in college this is where we are supposed to stand out and find that voice of yours. As a student, I am not a free person, and it is sometimes hard for me to find where I belong. For others, it is easier for them because most of them are outgoing and trying to fit in as a sophomore age student coming in as a freshman is hard because you do not know where you fit in. I have trouble with anxiety, and it causes a problem when it comes to trying to find my voice among my peers. Anxiety is a big struggle for many gap year students, and I believe it is a more significant problem for the women because today some men still think that girls and women should not go to college. It sometimes keeps me up at night with wonder about how the college freshman sees a sophomore age student coming in as part of their class and the same goes for the sophomores thought of me being a freshman at the age of twenty. If I get myself too worked up over these thoughts I have to go for a run, which could last thirty minutes to an hour or more depending on how anxious I get, but running helps calm me to relax and slow down.

Throughout last semester and this semester, I have to make time for myself to be alone for a little bit because that is how I "re-charge" and sometimes I just need to take a break, to step back and get control over my thoughts and emotions. Even though I took a gap year, I feel like I am moving too fast, and I feel like I might trip up at some point. "Our struggles can have to mean only if they can help to change the lives of women whose gifts and whose very being continue to be thwarted"(Rich, 21). What Adrienne Rich is saying is that we should use our struggles in a way as gifts to show others that we can get through the hard times if we just persevere through the difficulties in our lives. Finding a voice as a Christian in a college is not whether I go to a Christian college or not. We do not know where we stand in the Christian community. Some college students are more vocal in their Christian pursuit, but for some of the quieter Christians, it is harder to find our voice and make a stand for what we believe. During my gap year, it was easy for me to make time for God. I was able to go to church, Bible studies and help serve in the children's ministry, but making time for God in college has been hard. I am in my second semester, and I have just found a church. Commitment to praying and reading my Bible has always been a challenge to me, but entering college after a gap year has been even harder for me. When I started, I felt God beside me. I just didn't want to pick up and read my Bible. I knew that would mean less time to do homework, and I started to think of it as a waste of my day when in reality it did not take up much time it was just my miserable time managing. Once I got my schedule down and started to plan out my days I made sure to give at least half an hour to an hour for God time.

Making that choice to transition to college after a year of just working was hard on me, but it was best, for me, to take a break after high-school. Even though it was hard to adjust to the college life, to keep and make relationships, and try to find my voice as a student and a Christian, it was the best decision for me to start college after a gap year and it was God's plan for me.




                                                Works Cited
Rich, Adrienne. “When We Dead Awaken: Writing as Re-Vision.” College English 34.1 (1972):
18–30. JSTOR. Web. 3 Feb. 2014.
Rodriguez, Richard. “The Achievement of Desire.” Hunger of Memory. New York: Bantam,
1982. 43–78. Print.

This is Me

I was born in Louisville, Kentucky. I was the first born to wonderful parents. Then I became a big sister to two awesome, pain in the butt, little sisters. I grew up in a Christian home and thought I knew who Christ was, but I disobeyed, was broken and lost like many. I was a thief, liar, and porn addict. I am known as a sinner.  

The truth is I not perfect, and I know I never will be, but that is okay. My family was not perfect either. I grew up too fast in my parents eyes and my own. I felt pressured to be an adult than a child. I watched as my sisters grew up playing. Now I am not saying I did not play because a child needs to have friends, and every parent knows that. I had friends but not a lot. I forgot to mention that my sisters and I were homeschooled. They only friends I had came from my neighborhood and the church. I messed up and made poor choices in friends. 

I was not popular, and I'll never know what it feels like either. I was always in the background, and I still am. I know people who are attractive but not famous, and I wonder how many friendships that they have that are true because let me tell you I've only had one, but that is now gone. I have friends, but I've lost so many of lies, hurtful words, and even suicide. I've lost trust and built up walls.  
My family is not wealthy, and neither are we poor, but we might as be poor because of the university I chose and the loans we had to take out. I almost made my family go hungry. I sometimes cry at night because I feel as if I am being ripped apart. We live in a small house with three bedrooms and one bathroom. When I started college and came home for the first time…I felt as if I did not fit in and even felt left out. For goodness sake, I slept on a mattress on the floor in my littlest sister's room, and now I sleep on the couch because It feels more comfortable and better for my back, but I do not have space for myself and feel even more left out. 

I am wearing myself out by staying up late writing. Papers, reflections, journal entries, poems, and even half-written stories. 

I was tired and worn out all because I stayed away.

Your Dear Old Friend

It may seem like another sunny day
But to me the skies turn grey.
Now that I have been awoken
I see our friendship was once was a token.
With all the emotions inside of me
I feel as if I'm lost in a raging sea.

I don’t know what to say
Should I fix the problem at bay?
What trust was there is now broken
And it seems as if we’ve never spoken.
I don’t know how it came to be
Your dear old friend once was me.

Inspiration From an Image

       "I was mad at my mother for not letting me go with my father and my big brother Grant. I ran down the dirt road without shoes and a giant white stuffed dog in one hand and my mother chasing after me. When she got to me, she grabbed my hand and said, "You're too little to go hunting with the boys right now baby." "But I'm not little momma, I'm six and a half years old." "You still have to wait your turn. One day daddy will take you." I pouted for a little bit before asking her when could I go with the boys and she looked down at me saying "When Daddy says it's okay baby. Right now it's Grant's first time because he is eleven. Why don’t you help me make cookies?" I looked down the road one more time before nodding my head with a sad smile on my face. As we walked back to the house I looked up at my momma Her soft eyes were the color of the ocean at sunrise and her smile was gentle. Her curly brown hair was down and she was wearing her favorite navy blue dress..." 
          I stopped my story and looked away with tears in my eyes. The room was silent and the only noise that was made came from the first pew. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw my brother make his way towards me. When he reached me, He held out his arms and embraced me. I took in a deep breath and exhaled. "It's okay Rach," He whispered in my hear. I let go after a moment and turned back to the room. Grant stayed with me instead of going back to sit beside his wife. "My mother was a good woman and one that was hard to get angry at is what daddy would always say," I said looking at my father with a soft smile "But She and I seemed to argue often, but forgave each other quickly. I loved her a lot and will miss her dearly."